The less of me there is, the better
March 31st, 2007 by 
gddik
Like about twenty two twenty-thirds of the UK’s population, I’m carrying a few excess pounds of blubber, and it’s time I trimmed myself down a bit.
About two stones should do the trick.
It sounds easy if you say it quickly, but it sure as hell isn’t, especially for one such as I, who loves chocolate, and other self-indulgent comestibles, with a passion bordering on the lascivious.
So, what’s a chap to do?
Well, I’ve been chugging down the Slimfast (or Mr. Tesco’s rather less expensive equivalent) for lunch at work, accompanied by the cunningly recycled building rubble that is Ryvita. For a treat, I also have a whole satsuma to myself.
It’s not that bad, really, although I wish they’d come up with a beef madras flavoured Slimfast, rather than the strawberry, banana and un-chocolate chocolate flavours that they make now.
I do actually think it’s starting to work, although I can’t be absolutely sure. I haven’t weighed myself yet, as I don’t think I could take the disappointment if the scales showed otherwise. I certainly FEEL as though I’ve lost a little, though - call it a gut-feeling. (Just a little joke, there, in case you missed it).
Think of the benefits to the nation, if we all managed to lose two stones. Obvious health benefits, to be sure. Paul Daniels and Kate Moss would disappear altogether. It could even help to offset the effects of global warming - 56 million x two stones makes for a huge burden taken off the UK land-mass. If the sea levels do rise, it could make all the difference.
Mind you, the flatulence-inducing properties of Ryvita may tip the scales the other way, and destroy what’s left of the ozone layer by itself.
I obviously need to rethink my whole strategy. I’ll have to get back to you on this…
Posted in Blubberwatch | 
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